A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 6th of April, is not this young man’s birthday. It is, in fact, someone else’s birthday entirely, but we’ll get to that later.
Though it was more than sixteen years ago that he was given life, it is only today that-
- oh, he seems rather angry. He already has a name of his own, thank you very much, and there is no need to insult him by trying to give him your own.
> Enter Name
Manly as fuck. Now then, why don’t we move on.
> Examine Room
> Examine Room
Your name is ERIC. You have a variety of INTERESTS, primarily related to the SUPERNATURAL. You are especially passionate about KNIGHTS AND MONSTERS, though admittedly the former more than the latter. You are also rather obsessed with ANIME, especially of the SHONEN genre. Fights between superpowered heroes, devilish villains, and giant robots are really exciting for you. You also occasionally play TABLETOP GAMES with a friend online, but that’s about all you use your computer for.
So what were you…
> Captchalogue Mecha Figurine
Hey, this isn’t just any mecha, this is the RX-78-2. This is the original Gundam, and you should show it some respect!
Well, you should, but instead you captchalogue it and put it in your (admittedly inconvenient) Fetch Modus. You’ll get around to explaining that at some point, probably, you aren’t quite in the mood for it at the moment.
> Pester one of your numerous Chums
That sounds like a really good idea, actually! But who…
> Pester one of your numerous Chums
Right, where were you… ah, about to bug one of your many friends!
And by numerous, you mean four.
Well, technically five, but you are preeeetty sure the fifth is a crazy cave witch so you generally don’t count her.
However, it seems that none of them are online! Pretty unusual, actually, considering the differing timezones involved.
Damn. You were hoping to have a chance to launch an attack on your GREATEST ENEMY, but it doesn’t seem like that’ll be happening.
> Sit and wait for him to come online.
Oh yeah, that totally isn’t creepy or pathetic at all. No, you’ll just use the unexpected peace as an excuse to catch up on the various shows you watch. You have a certain show involving two hunters to watch…
> Be someone less busy.
You can’t be someone else, because you’re busy being this person.
Well, hello there!
I wonder what this young child’s name cou-
Child? Do you look like a child to you? You don’t think so.
Wait, that doesn’t make sense.
The point is, you know that you are no child.
You are a mature gentleman with the mental age of someone well beyond your actual years.
Or so you like to believe.
Well geeze, no need to get touchy.
Can we just learn your name already?
> Examine HONORARY PLACRONYM
This old thing has been gathering dust on top of your bookshelf since your 13th birthday…
…You try not to think about that day. Too many repressed memories…
Anywho! What kind of person is Theo?
Your name is THEO. Like any seasoned GENTLEMAN such as yourself, you have a variety of INTERESTS. You are quite fond of PUZZLES, you enjoy solving things that no one else can. When faced with a quandary, you approach it like you would any other puzzle, riddle, or problem. Taking careful planning and scrutinizing before coming to a conclusion, often in a flamboyant manner. You have a number of people whom you idolize that excel with such puzzles. You enjoy the works of many CLASSIC AUTHORS, whose short stories and novels you have lovingly gathered into a collection on your shelf. You are also quiet fond of FANTASY NOVELS, not that you’d let certain friends know that. When you’re not solving puzzles or wasting time on the INTERNET, you enjoy indulging in various MEN’S STYLES of clothing. Whenever you’re out in public, you dress to impress. You’d never be caught dead without a blazer or jacket. And of course, you have a collection of TIES FOR EVERY THINKABLE OCCASION. Oh and you think you’re alright at FENCING. You’re often told that you are quiet more than just “alright”, but you think they’re just being nice.
That’s enough now. In fact that was sort of unnecessary. Moving along now.
>Captchalogue Stack of Books
Aha, your trusty STICKY NOTE MODUS.
You can store pretty large objects on the cards, which are kept individually in little sticky notes. This can be very useful, but for the disorganized gentleman, can cause quiet a mess. Some people are known for sticking these things everywhere, covering every surface with them to the point that they lose track of them.
But a smart enough gentleman such as your self is clever enough to keep most of your sticky notes in your NOTEBOOK.
Another aspect of the sticky notes is that you can draw an object and create a GHOST IMAGE of the object, assuming you drew it well enough. You’ve yet to find any use for these beyond idle entertainment, though.
>Advance the plot already!
Alright, don’t get your shorts in a twist.
It looks as though your computer is trying to get your attention.
One of your chums is messaging you apparently.
Oh boy, here we go. What could he want now?
>I’m tired of being Theo. Let’s move along.
> Let’s be someone else
Oh my! This boy looks rather busy! Maybe we should take a shot at his name and grab his attention!
>Enter name (we are now taking commands!)
What feeling hurters you guys are!
oh looks like he’s gone upstairs, good jo—
wait never mind…
Your name is DREW JOHNSON. You find INTREST in a number of things. You love the TERRIBLE CLOTHES you’ve picked up over the years, they’re amazing in every way. The fact that you own and WEAR them makes some of your dear friends want to cry. You also enjoy doing a lot of CHARITY WORK, and that is an UNDERSTATEMENT. You think everyone deserves a helping hand, which is why you spend a good amount of your time BABYSITTING for free! You also love to do CRAFTS, dear LORD do you love crafts! Knitting, sewing, crocheting, scrap booking, cooking, heck even DRAWING! You like to do all these things and save as much money as you possibly can! You and your BROTHER don’t have very much of an income.